How To Read (Acid to Alkaline):
-5 = Lady Gaga: When you snatch that many wigs in three years you the most acidic bitch in the game.
-4 = Marina & The Diamonds: When you shade as many bitches as she did then manage to get on their tours with music that slays their’s you’re acidic.
-3 = Beyoncé: You’re Beyoncé.
-2 = Justin Timberlake: When your ass leaves the game after two albums but people scream for years after for you to come back, you’re acidic.
-1 = Adele: Because 21 will be on the charts for another 21 years.
0 = Madonna: You coined the term “iconic” but you bent the coin the last two times out.
1 = M.I.A.: You do what Rihanna thinks she’s doing and your label doesn’t drop your ass for shading their top seller. You got something going.
2 = Rihanna: You put out albums faster than a runner from your home country, but they lose their steam around single #2.
3 = Ke$ha: When you’re doing shit the radio plays you to death, but since you’ve been gone people miss all your strikingly similar sounding songs.
4 = Kelly Clarkson: Your pussy is America’s sweetheart and you’re one of the, if not only, few American Idol winners that Simon Cowell can stand and isn’t bankrupt three times over.
5 = Lana Del Rey: Your album is great but when you open your mouth live people want to smash the disc and swallow the jagged, plastic shards.
6 = Britney Spears: Releasing music is all you know how to do anymore and no one has shut you off yet. Get it girl.
7 = Selena Gomez: You lead the basic pack because you know when to stop talking.
8 = One Direction: You’re a boy band so by nature you’re basic, but if you can snatch The Beatles’ wig you deserve some credit.
9 = Justin Bieber: Peter Pan syndrome, even if you don’t want it.
10 = Demi Lovato: Your claim to fame is you fucked a Jonas Brother and went nuts, the world ain’t here for that.
11 = Katy Perry: Not quite queen of Basic Bitches, but you’re trying as hard as you can to be that and someone else.
12 = Jessie J: You’re a british Katy and we don’t want the American Katy. Next.
13 = LMFAO: Self explanatory.
14 = Nicki Minaj: So basic that you’ve entered a state of Basic Nirvana, in which you are unable to hear the deafening cries of “PLEASE STOP!”
